June of 2011, my biggest disappointment came through! I thought it was the last reconstruction for my nose but UNFORTUNATELY, it wasn't. Happiness went down to sadness. We all thought, that it was the last surgery for my nose and after that will be a year of recovery. But not until the doctors brought me to the O.R and did opened the inside of my nose to do the reconstruction, they found out that 75% of the cartilage that they have taken out from the recent surgery for which was supposed to be the "bridge" for my nose, has got infected. What a big disappointment to that point! Instead of finishing up the process for my nose reconstruction, my doctors had to take the cartilage out to cure the infection ASAP. Which they then told my big brother, "there is a big step back to this process". Disappointed and sadness is what you can see in the room. I remember when I woke up after the surgery, all I can see is my brother along with some doctors in my room. They had a sadness on their faces but I could see smiles as well. I thought everything was fine until they told me what was going on, my heart just broke down with many emotional thoughts in my head. At first, I wanted to see the result for my last surgery but after they told me there was a set back, I never want to see my face with all those bruises again. I can feel so much pain from my face but I never think of the pain, rather thinking of the situation. It is hard to believe that one thing can never be done in the right time, instead, it went back to the previous issue from when I was 9 months old. I had tears in my eyes, telling my self, "I think I'm not meant to have a normal face. Everything is coming back from the day I lose my nose. Same caused, an "infection"! I don't know why this is happening to me but I think God doesn't want me to have the life of having a nose because he is giving me all these infections. It hurts and it makes me cry that I am thinking this way but I don't know what else to do after all. I know there's more issues coming soon and I will not give up no matter what!" I was very very sad. I can't stop crying and thinking what will happen next. Yes I have suffered so much but everything that had happened is making me stronger each day. Until the time I went in the bathroom to look at my self.....................................
"OMG!" was my first reaction about my face. I have all these bruises on my nose skin, color purple, and my forehead is just painful. These big tubes on both my nostrils were hurting me so bad. I could see the bones on my forehead, color white, and it looks so fresh and it hurts. My face has changed so much. After I saw my face, tears were running down my cheeks. I tried to not cry but I just couldn't help it. It hurts so much seeing my self like that bad. I don't why I was still alive from all of that. I couldn't feel anything on my face, everywhere is so numb but I can feel the pain, the pain of suffering. I get weaker and weaker each time I think about my self. I have all those thoughts of "giving up" but every time I say the words "giving up" to my self, all I can say was "why would you give up? this is only the beginning of your challenges in life. but why thinking of giving up now when you had the chance from the first place? you can never give up now because once you give up, this opportunity will never come back anymore." I realized that everything happens for a reason. I know there is a reason why God gave me the infection that time. I knew that he has another plans for me that will work better. As of now, all I have to do is to accept that it was really happening and to always believe that everything doesn't go on our ways, it is God's choices.
" Life can be tough sometimes but you have a reason to be strong in any way."
